


him

by jerry_seinfeld



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 04:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11547480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jerry_seinfeld/pseuds/jerry_seinfeld
Summary: chanyeol thinks that baekhyun would make a good muse for a few songs





	1. warm

“i’m freaking out.”

“why?”

“i can’t think of anything.”

baekhyun’s lips curled into a smile and chanyeol swore that his heart stopped for a second. baekyhun pushed his glasses up, the round ones that made his face looks so small and delicate, all the while keeping his attention focused on the book in his lap.

his feet, snug in blue fuzzy socks, curled underneath his legs. they matched the sweater that engulfed his body, the sweater that baekhyun’s grandmother made that was a bit too big, but mostly a bit too perfect on him.

“i just want to hear you play. its so quiet now.” he said, gaze still attached to words on paper. chanyeol’s fingers danced on the fret board of the guitar baekhyun gave him for his birthday, not set on which string to press, which chord to strum.

“i still don’t know what to do,” baekhyun looked up now; his wide smile hadn’t slipped off his face, the crescent moons it formed in his eyes still there, still beautiful.

“write about what makes you happy.”

chanyeol knew what to do.


	2. not the same without you

chanyeol’s fingers hurt. he was unsure about this riff of the song when he and his band wrote it, but he was afraid to say anything. it sounded so good, and he didn’t want to sacrifice that because he wasn’t skilled enough to play it. 

the stage lights hurt his eyes. he couldn’t see past the first row of people. he couldn’t tell how many people there were in the stadium, but he knew that this was his band’s biggest gig, so it had to be quite a few. 

chanyeol glanced backstage, staring straight into the cold face of his manager. he almost fumbled, but caught himself, shifting back to the easy part of the song, his fingers cooling down from the moment of relief. his manager wasn’t the friendliest of people, but he was damn good at his job. there was something missing in that space next to him, something in the form of a 174 cm ball of energy that made chanyeol’s heart swell, the stage lights dim down, and the pain in his fingers disappear.

he really wished baekhyun was there. (“i can’t tonight, i promised kyungsoo i would spend time with him. i’m sorry”)

(“but this really means a lot to me”)


	3. rain

“run!” baekhyun squealed, holding his arms over his head as chanyeol followed, in the same down-shit-creek situation. he could barely hear him over the sound of falling rain smacking the sidewalk. it was already night, and between the haze from the weather and the inky sky, chanyeol couldn’t see anything. 

baekhyun’s sneakers kicked water back at him from the puddles gathering on the concrete, but chanyeol couldn’t really tell. his jeans, shirt, face, and hair were already soaked, despite the attempt at cover from his bare arms. (“you should really wear a jacket today” “no way. its april, and i don’t want to carry it around later”)

“turn here!” chanyeol obliged, eventually finding himself on some apartment building’s stoop. it was small, but the rain couldn’t find them there. 

baekhyun’s hair covered his forehead, dripping down his cheeks and the side of his face. his red t-shirt was now a deep shade of maroon. it hung on his shoulders and stuck to his chest. he laughed, watching the road and the blur of taillights, street lights, and stop lights. his skin glowed under all those lights, and the brown in his eyes reflected their sparkle.


	4. i do too

“hey.” chanyeol forced his eyes open. as much as he wanted to sleep, baekhyun’s face was by far a much better sight than darkness. 

“hey.”

“it’s been a year now.”

“11 months 4 weeks and 2 days.”

“give or take.” baekhyun chuckled. “chanyeol…”

“yeah?”

“i love you.”

“i…”

chanyeol thought nothing could hurt more when he saw the disappointment pool in baekhyun’s eyes as he couldn’t return those words. but when baekhyun turned his body away, his shoulders quivering, chanyeol found something that hurt a lot more. 

chanyeol made baekhyun cry, and that hurt so much.


	5. new years

“i really thought he could make it.” baekhyun said. he dangled a bottle loosely in his hand, his wrists draped over the railing of kyungsoo’s balcony. kyungsoo let out a huff of breath, a white cloud escaping his lips and trailing up to the black, starless sky.

“i’m sorry.” kyungsoo looked over at his best friend. “…i have to be honest with you baekhyun. i know chanyeol means a lot to you, but…i mean fuck, he hasn’t said he loves you. it’s new years and he’s not here.”

baekhyun twitched his nose, eyes glancing around the empty street below them, “you’re right,” baekhyun said, but there was something in his voice. something bitter. “he does mean a lot to me.”

he went to turn around, but was stopped by a giant blocking the door. his giant.

“hi.”

“you came.”

“yeah. the band is really pissed at me…but, i don’t really care right now,” chanyeol wheezed, his cheeks blood red, and not just from the cold.

“did you…run here?” chanyeol nodded.

“i didn’t know if i could make it before midnight.”

kyungsoo rolled up the sleeve of his winter coat, “it’s 11:59…i’m gonna go find jongin.”

baekhyun looked up, up, up at chanyeol. his eyes shimmered from the moonlight above them. before he knew it, his arms were wrapped tight around chanyeol, and chanyeol’s arms were wrapped tight around him. he could hear chanyeol’s heartbeat, still fast. baekhyun’s was just as fast. 

“happy new year, baekhyun,” chanyeol said, his voice resonating through his chest, sounding so warm to baekhyun’s cold ears. he tipped his head up, slowly drawing his lips closer to chanyeol’s.

“i love you,” chanyeol whispered. glassy eyes met glassy eyes, before red lips met red lips.


	6. make believe

“how long?” baekhyun asked. his voice was cautious, hesitant, heartbroken.

“two years.”

baekhyun hugged his pillow closer to him, burying his face in its softness. he tried so hard to hold back the tears, “so i guess that’s it then?”

“i don’t want it to be.” baekhyun didn’t want to look up at chanyeol, because he knew the moment he saw his goofy ears and his beautiful eyes, he’d die, right then and there, “but i know you don’t want to come tour with us, so, yeah. i guess it is.”

“let’s pretend it’s not then.” baekhyun said, regretting the words immediately as they left his lips.

“what?”

“it’s not the end. not until you’re gone.”

“baek, i don’t-“

“please?” he looked up then, and saw those goofy ears and beautiful eyes and then he didn’t regret those words anymore. he wasn’t ready for this to end. he needed more time.

“…okay.”


	7. dont want to leave

“i’m pretty sure he just gave up then,” baekhyun said, a laugh escaping his lips. chanyeol stood over the stove, stirring a pot (he refused to tell baekhyun what it was). baekhyun sat on the counter, legs swinging.

they sat in silence for a little while, chanyeol focusing on his mystery dish, and baekhyun just watching as he did so, at the way he bit his lip and furrowed his brows when he was concentrating.

in that moment of silence, baekhyun took a glance around the apartment, seeing packed boxes, guitar cases, the like. his heart sank as he looked back at chanyeol, and was greeted with that goofy smile that baekhyun adored more than anything

“and we’re all done here,” chanyeol said, handing baekhyun a plate. it was budae jjigae. (“if you ever leave me, i expect only the best budae jjigae before you go”) 

baekhyun gave a small smile, and chanyeol returned it, knowingly.


	8. gone

“stop crying,” chanyeol breathed, but he found it harder to do the same. his eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were red and puffy and both were drenched in tears. baekhyun’s hands had placed themselves on either side of chanyeol’s face, his thumbs rubbed at the wetness in some attempt to make it stop. 

baekhyun’s heart hurt. well, that was an understatement. his whole chest felt as if someone put hundred-pound weights between every crevice, anywhere they could. his stomach twisted. his heart, though, his heart felt as though someone had shoved a knife through it, and was turning it, wrenching it out, shoving it back in, whatever they could do that would in the end, cause baekhyun the maximum amount of pain. he wanted to die.

“i’ll stop crying when you stop crying.”

“i don’t think i ever will.”

“this doesn’t have to be goodbye you know? you’ll come back.” baekhyun said with hope. he knew it was stupid, he knew so well that it was a stupid idea, but the realization that he will lose chanyeol was just setting in and it hurt more than anything. 

something in the back of his mind kept saying “you care more about your fucking band than your boyfriend”. he tried not to listen.

“yeah. yeah, i will. but i don’t want you to wait for me. that’s…that’s unfair to you.”

baekhyun didn’t say anything, because he knew chanyeol was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you like angst don't read the next chapter


	9. hindsight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! <33 let me know what you thought

around 4 am, baekhyun heard his phone ring. he didn’t get up. he didn’t move from his place at the bottom of his apartment door. he heard it ring, and he wondered who was calling him at this hour, if it was his sister in need of a ride.

“hey baek. i guess i can’t really blame you for not answering the phone. i’m on the bus right now, jongdae’s in the bathroom, and i think yixing is asleep. i hate that i didn’t say that i loved you enough. that i do…love you. because i do. i have, since i met you. i know it’s cliche, super fucking cliche and it would hurt me to say it if it wasn’t the actual truth.

“i miss you already, i think is what i called to say. i miss you a lot. i missed you before i left, i missed you when i had to look away from you for even a fraction of a second. i think that…the reason i got on this bus and left you for two years is becoming more distant to me. and now all i can think is how i’m probably never going to see you again and it’s my fault, because i thought this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, but the more that i think about it now, so are you. why did i get on this bus?”

“why did i get on this bus?”

“hey, excuse me? can you…can you stop? i don’t want…i don’t want to-“

and then baekhyun was crying again, when he had just tried so hard to stop crying. he cried till the sun rose and the apartment was lit up again, when he had been sitting for so long in the darkness. he cried till he heard a knock on the door and slowly lifted himself from the ground. he didn’t stop crying until his arms were around chanyeol’s waist again and he could hear chanyeol’s heart beat again. he stopped crying then because he didn’t need to.

it wasn’t goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments!! i love hearing from people :)) <33


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